by Sourav Kumar Das
Do you feel angry often? And your anger goes out of control?
Do other people make you angry? Like someone abuses you verbally or physically or mentally? Someone doesn’t care about what you have to say or what you believe in? Someone doesn’t respect you enough while you are doing/giving your best?
People do you wrong more often than a lot? It might be someone from your relationships, friendships, people in your family that you have?
Or you might get offended due to social nuisances and you can’t do anything about that at that particular moment (it’s a good thing having a high moral compass)?
Does it sound familiar?
While other people might tell you that you should not get angry and anger is extremely bad for your mental health.
I would suggest in my Life-ishtylish, anger is a tool & you must understand how to use it.
There are so many people around that you think they’re cool, they don’t lose their calm, they never get angry with anyone or anything. But when you really look at their lifestyle, you find out that they also get angry but that proportion is too low.
Anger is a huge issue that you have to deal with right now before it builds up to your frustration.
Before you read any further, tell yourself that from now on, from this very moment – you are going to become a different person than you were before, because you didn’t possess this knowledge.
The sole reason that you get angry is because you think you are right.
Look, you are a completely different person like everyone else on this soil, so you have your own beliefs, your own thought process. There are some things that you think are right, while others might think the other way. You might have your own ways of getting things done while others don’t approve of it. These others can be your friends, your partner, your family members, or anyone other than you.
From now onwards, you have to keep an open mind.
It’s easier said than done, as right at this very moment, you have got your own pattern and you need to change it without bleeding on anyone else.
Here are a few of my golden rules applicable to any sort of anger of any of you, but you have to follow it wholeheartedly.
Rule 1: Delay your reaction.
Whenever you get angry you gotta tell yourself that you are not going to react to this for 5 seconds. Neurologically speaking you only experience anger for 2 to 3 seconds. The rest of the time that you think you are angry – actually you are not, you are just indulging in your own pattern.
So are you someone that anyone can take control of! Of course not! So behave like one, with self control. Those 2-3 seconds are not in your control but rest is up to you.
So whenever something triggers you, you don’t respond or even think about it for 2-3 seconds. It’s not much right!
Rule 2: Try to visualize beforehand.
Most of the time even before we start our conversation that is gonna end up making us angry, we anticipated the conflict beforehand. We know the moment we ask someone about it or we ask someone why didn’t you do it just like you said it’s gonna end up in a conflict or even a fight.
One thing you can do is avoid it. Avoid all those conversations which can lead you to a fight. Just walk away and don’t talk about it to that exact same person.
But sometimes, we have to react instead of walking away. So here’s the other thing you can do. You’ve to rehearse the response. Think about what the other person can say or do to you as a consequence. But the prime rule here is even in your rehearsal, you do not hurt that person. You are just representing your facts in a more efficient way.
Rule 3: Be mindful of yourself.
Many times we react to something or someone in a way that we end up thinking like we shouldn’t have done that before. We all have this little moment of introspection (it’s good you know, it shows that you really care).
So understand what you are going through right at that very moment before you snap at someone. For example, studies of behavioral sciences have shown that people usually snap at someone all of a sudden because of three things: when you are hungry, when you are tired and when you’re exhausted. It might sound petty, but trust me, it is genuine.
So the next time you are tired, hungry or exhausted, you’ll just tell the other person it’s not a good time. Can we talk about it later? I am really feeling tired/hungry/exhausted.
You have no idea how effective this is and if you follow the calm and composed people closely, you will find out that they do follow this small thing.
Rule 4: Repeat rule 1
Rule 5: Resolve the issue later.
Just because you did better by following the above rules. It doesn’t mean that the issue is resolved.
Don’t forget to resolve the issue with a cool and composed head with good communication and understanding, but later on without the heat of the moment. Later might mean two minutes or two hours or two days depending upon how mature you have become.
Always remember the key to Anger Management is to take control.
Now many of you might think, you lose control over yourself in the heat of the moment. They may trigger you. You don’t have a calm and composed head. You’re not like others.
Remember these are all myths. You are just not dealing with yourself.
Let me give you an evergreen example.
When someone from your family denies you something, you get angry, you show them that denying you is a bad thing. But think about a policeman who caught you red handed parking your car in a no parking zone. When they scold you, you usually do not start fighting the policeman. Why not? Think about it. There can be many instances like this with other people in your life you have met so far.
Basically you controlled your anger. Hence, there is proof that you can control your anger.
So take control of the steering that belongs to you.
There are so many other theories and lessons, I will share with you all, under the name – Life-ishtylish.
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Stay safe!